Plan B is the new Plan A
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
