Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
