I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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