Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
