Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
