I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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