my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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