ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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