When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
