Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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