i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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