I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I could fuck to npr.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
