his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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