don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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