I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
