Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
