You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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