i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
