if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
