Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize