Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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