Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
