I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
