This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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