where does the pee come out of this thing
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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