I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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