I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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