We got so high we made milksteak
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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