We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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