Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
