So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
