he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
