mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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