bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
