im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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