im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
