I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
