my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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