My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
