Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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