It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
