Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
