i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
