I heard we made out
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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