Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
