haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
