but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
