so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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