Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
