we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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