I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
