Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
