Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
