my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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