I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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