my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
