Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
