My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
