Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
