babies were throwing up all over the place
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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