Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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