I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
