he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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