besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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