When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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