bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
