i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
whose parrot is this?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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