Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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