It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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