i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
