My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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