I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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