I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize