She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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