They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
