thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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