shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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