I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
