My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
