I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
