It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Someone came in the potted fern
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
