You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
