WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
