Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
