Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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